Mood: Troubled 😦
Today I walked out of the Raizada House, and it felt like, I had left a lot of myself behind. I haven’t known this family for too long, neither did I ever intend to ever be here in the first place. But something about that house, took me over. I never for once felt I was amidst strangers. I felt loved, protected, cared for. So much so that, today I feel incomplete in my own house, my own room and with my own family!
Why does my heart suddenly prefer pain over happiness, momentary joy of seeing him over a life time of togetherness with someone else?
He followed me all the way to the temple, only to nurse my cut, but the wounds he gives my heart are not those that he can see. Why? I wish he could. I just wish, he knew he shouldn’t be around, because the more he is, the more I want him to be around me. I fail myself each time he walks in front of me. I see him coming, my face turns red, I know he will hurt me and walk away, but I still allow him to do it. Why Devi Maiyya why? Why is it that, there are certain things about him, that I fail to share even with you?
I don’t want to get engaged to Shyam! I may not be able to see him betroth La either.
May be that’s why, you found a way to spare me the pain, of seeing this happen right in front of my eyes. During those days of despair and pain, the only hope I have is in you. But why do I at times feel, you also try and tell me, our lives are so inter-twined, we might bump into one another again, though he swears against it. He doesn’t have faith in you, the very person who forms the center of my belief and strength. How can I go on and allow him to take over my life this way, knowing fully well he may never respect you.
I miss Babuji, I wish I could share my worries with him. But he has problems of his own. Jeeji and Amma will never understand.
My hand doesn’t hurt ache as much as my heart does! I wish, I could just sleep off tonight and wake up tomorrow and be the Khushi Kumari Gupta who had never known or met an Arnav Singh Raizada. But this very thought, as I write to you, plunges me into deep melancholy, since I know for sure, life has not been the same after meeting him, the Laad Governor, the insensitive monster is now also my Heart Keeper! I concede… I give up ! Can I just see him once, may be tomorrow? And then I promise, I will never ask for anything … Because, after tomorrow, I will belong to someone else, and my family will expect me to give my due to this marriage, which I duly will. Before that, will I get one chance to look into his eyes the same way, so that guilt can take over for a life time for nothing being able to feel the same way for anyone else? Bas ek Baar Devi Maiyya… Ek Hi Baar!
-Khushi Kumari Gupta!
We would like to congratulate the Is Pyar Ko Kya Naam Doon Team on its steadily growing TRP with their interesting and captivating storyline.
Niharika Vidya Sagar